7:30 pm, New Years Eve 2010. Well, this will be like the 10th New Years that we have spent at home. With just one child left at home…me, my wife, 2 cats and a dog. I can recall a time not too far past when doing what I’m doing would have been unthinkable. New Years eve was the one night of the year that everyone is expected to party…at least most everyone anyways! But, for some reason, it seems that all that just doesn’t matter anymore. For some unexplainable reason, I would much rather just stay home with my family and write a blog post. And to top it all off…we have Bonanza on TV. Not very exciting most would say. But, we enjoy it.
So how was your year past. I would have to say that ours has been nothing short of wonderful! Years past were all measured by different standards than what I use to determine the quality of my life today. It truly is amazing how we tend to measure our lives so much differently as maturity and age come to us. What seems important to those of us in our later stage of life rarely, if ever, were even thought of when we were bashing around in our teens and twenties.
Now-a-days I tend to count a whole new and different inventory of things that are important. My health is fair, my mind is still functioning normally, for the most part anyways, and I’m learning more and more how to utilize this thing called technology. Over the last year there have been a lot of new and enlightening thoughts that have helped to change my mindset towards life in general. So many are they that it would be impossible to list them all. But I thought that I would try to hit on a few of them here today. How many of you might be sharing these value changes with me? Let me know if I hit a chord with any of you.
Living life is difficult. No one can argue with this fact. But, when you are younger you tend to focus on the immediate moment at hand. Most everyone will probably agree with this. What matters then is whether what you are doing feels good or not. You aren’t concerned about what you were doing yesterday at that moment, nor are you concerned with the consequences that will arise tomorrow from today’s actions. What mattered most was right now. I honestly don’t know how I have made it this far when I stop to consider what I was like back then. I’m sure that a lot of you would probably agree with that comment too!
My wife and I have tried to instill in our children that life is a series of consequences deriving from the choices that you make. Our 23-year-old picked up on that early and has made very wise choices and is enjoying a very happily married life with a beautiful baby boy. She seems to be very happy. Our 17-year-old daughter is having considerable difficulty with this concept and is living her life very much like I lived mine at here age. Moment to moment and full speed ahead. Yesterday matters not and tomorrow isn’t here yet. Now, there isn’t anything wrong with that concept! In fact…I believe that is the way life is supposed to be lived…in the moment. But! Where and what those moments are depend on some cognitive decision-making in and of itself. Each decision brings another moment where another decision must be made. Perpetually poor decision-making can destroy a life. Just as good decision-making can build a good life. It’s all in the choices that you make! And, whether or not you learn from mistakes made through poor choices.
The problem here is that, what works for my daughter might not work for me. And vise-versa! I find it very difficult to stand aside and let her make her own decisions. But, gone are the days where she thinks that I know best. Now, unfortunately, I don’t know anything by her reasoning. So, I stand by to help if and when she lets me. From a parents perspective…the late teen years are a difficult time for parenting. I am only beginning to realize what this statement really means.
But, having said all that, the last year truly was a blessing because I got to spend some time with, and got to know my daughter a lot better. Yes, there was some head butting during the time that she was with us, but it helped me to understand a few things a lot better. It is a very resounding kick in the pants when you come to the realization that you have to step back and let your child go, and let them make choices, and “get smacked around” a little in life. I have had to do just that with her. She made some bad choices, but luckily she bounced back and done better as of late. This past year has given me the opportunity to bond with my daughter a little more and has taken away the burden of fear that I felt for her, and has helped me see that she truly IS growing up and that she will make her way and have to walk her own path in life. She needs more friend now and less Dad! Thank you 2010!
For nearly my entire marriage to my wonderful, understanding, patient, and loving wife, I have been driven to develop a means to put us over the top financially. I have always thought that more money would bring more enjoyment and happiness to my otherwise normal and financially strapped life. I have been obsessed with finding something that I could do to make enough money that would allow me to do whatever in the hell I want to do!! And, as a result of this passion, I have spent more money on opportunities than I have made back from them. All in an effort to become “wealthy”!
However, this past year a new feeling has crept up in me that I am finding wonderful. I am beginning to honestly understand what they mean when they talk about being happy inside. I am beginning to realize what being happy really means. And that is an amazing feeling. I am also beginning to comprehend what it takes to get to this point in your life. It’s all about “experiencing” life. I find now that with each passing year I am able to understand more and more about what really matters in life. I find that this understanding is helping me to realize that it really isn’t all about how much money you have or how many toys you can afford. Lately, I love nothing more than coming home to my wonderful family every day. THEY make me happy! I can honestly say that the life that I share with them is a good life. I could never ask for anything more valuable than that! Thank you 2010!
I have been, for many years now, critical over the way a few of the people who have come and gone in my wife’s and my life, that have ruined their lives with drugs and other means and who, in the course of doing this, have mistreated our friendship with them. I have stated things like…”I wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire!” I have harbored a very vindictive and angry place inside of me over what these people did and the choices that they made. But over time my wonderful wife has worked diligently on me to help me see that, truly, each person must walk their own path. For such a long time I could not understand how anyone could treat my wife or me in some of the ways that these people chose to. I had very choice words that I used to describe them and their actions. I was bitter towards them.
The good news is thatI have finally begun to understand that everyone is doing the best that they can with what they have. Truly, we are not to judge others because we don’t know what their circumstances are. This has been a very difficult light for me to see. I’m a black-and-white kinda guy. Either its right or its wrong. Good or bad. Black or white! But I am always only looking at things through my eyes. In my perspective. Each person has their own. And it isn’t mine. What’s right for him or what’s wrong for her isn’t for me to say. This past year or so this light has gotten much brighter in my life and I am glad that I can understand that each person has a path that only they can walk. Sometimes their paths may cross mine, but they must stay on theirs, and me on mine. This has been a big blessing to not have to carry that bitterness anymore Thank you 2010!
And one last thing, but by no means the least, that I want to mention is the fact that, even though the path may be rough at times, and although you may not be able to comprehend why something is happening, be it good or bad, it will have a purpose that will become evident to you somewhere on down the path. Each experience in life teaches us something. Everyone must learn to deal with his or her own experiences is their own unique way. And although it may not seem like it at the time, I have learned that if you just stay with it even when it seems like all hope is lost that anything good could come of it, somehow, someway, on down that path, the light will come on for you. You will understand why you had to walk that certain part of your path. You will realize that you would not be in the wonderful place that you are now, had you not traversed the rocky, rough, dark part of the path that you came through earlier. And if you are in that rough, dark, rocky part right now…take heart in knowing that there is a reason that you are where you are now. You are not to know it now, but you will understand it one day. And that day of understanding will come. You just have to stay on the path, and keep on walking.
So, we are all another year older. And I like to think another year wiser as well. It boggles my mind sometimes to think that where I am today is a result of all the choices and decisions that I made each and every day of every year of my life up to now. Wow! I’m sure glad that I made the ones that got me here! I like where I am now. Thank you 2010!
Thanks Allen!